Just wanted to share the notes that I learned from the recent National Deaf Marriage Conference in Ridgecrest, North Carolina. Pastor Scott Corey and Rick McClain were the key speakers for this year. Below are the notes, enjoy!
Marriage requires two working parts to be successful and godly: Accountability & Intimacy
Intimacy is NOT only about sex….it is the opportunity to BE WITH each other even in times that does not involve sexual activity. In the book of “Love & Respect” There are a few quotes that I want to share. One is the number one thing that Men think of naturally is the physical sense of intimacy. Women think of the emotional sense in intimacy. In all of you actions and words, LOVE must be the purpose of it. Without LOVE, your spouse will not respond with respect.
There are several rewards for INTIMACY, if done the proper way.
- Confidence – Your spouse must have confidence in your love for them. Show them, do things for thing without being asked
- Comfort – Your spouse must know how to comfort you. Study your spouse. Know their needs.
- Encouragement – You must encourage each other. Too many marriages have negativity that causes hurt and bitterness.
- Commitment – Without this, whats the purpose of your marriage. Commit to LOVE at all times, even when its hard to do
Just like in a army of men when they are shipped out to fight in a war….we, the Men, need to be acting like the “POINT-MAN” The purpose of the POINT-MAN is to travel ahead of the pack, study the surroundings, studying all that needs to be known, to prepare for the battle ahead. How does this apply to us men? We need to study our wives, study her surroundings, study her needs, study all that needs to be known, to prepare how to love them MORE.
The Bible has always taught that marriage is about “WE” not “ME” If a problem pops up, WE solve it. If a death in the family happens, WE grieve together. If one loses a job, WE handle it. If finances become a burden, WE figure it out. None of these can be accomplised without “WE”
Marraige requires Five Pillars to be Successful
You know, the Holy Spirit gives us abilities to use our minds, our will, our feelings to improve our marriages.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-23 says 21″But test everything. Keep what is good. 22 and stay away from everything that is evil” 23 We pray that God himself, the God of peace, will make you pure – belonging only to him. We pray that your whole self – spirit, soul, and body- will be kept safe and be blameless when our Lord Jesus Christ comes.”
Before you build your Five Pillars…you have to have a foundation. And that foundation is built on SCRIPTURE only…
Why? Because sand shifts and changes, other materials shifts and changes….but the Word of God never shifts or changes.
Pillar #1 LISTEN TO GOD TOGETHER
When making decisions, pray together. When marriage brings a problem, listen to God’s Word on what to do.
Pillar #2 LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
When the TV is on and you spouse wants to talk to you, dont lean over to look at the TV and look back to them…turn off the TV
Pillar #3 LEARN TO TEACH OTHERS
Your marriage is being watched by those close to you. Your kids, your grandkids, your brothers, your sisters. Watch how you act.
Pillar #4 LEARN TO TEACH OTHERS by EXAMPLE
Your marraige is an example to someone out there. Show them godly examples. Your example teaches others.
Pillar #5 LEARN TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY
All pillars MUST be active to have a successful marriage.
The Bible teaches all throughout it that unless you are building your home on the Lord, you are wasting your time…
There are many biblical examples of couples in our Bible:
- Adam & Eve
- Abraham & Sarah
- Noah & his wife
- Issac & Rebekah
- Jacob & Rachel
- Boaz & Ruth
- David & Bathsheba
- Zechariah & Elizabeth
- Joseph & Mary
1 John 4:7-8 says: 7 “Deaf friends, we should love each other, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become God’s child. And so everyone who loves, knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, becasue God is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:5 says: 5″Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against each other”
Many marriage couples have a bad habit of remembering all the negatives and not remember any of the positives of each other. But God is opposite, praise the Lord.
Same as a baseball pitcher in a game. He hasnt pitched all season until the last game. How you think he felt? He was nervous. The first pitch thrown hit the batter. The second pitch thrown hit the batter. The pitched felt awful and down. The coach starts to walk out to talk with the pitcher. Knowing he was probably going to be fussed at, the coach comes up and encourages him “You are doing great. Keep it up. I know you are going to do better” The coach sits back down and immediately the pitcher’s self-esteem is brought up. Three strikeouts are thrown.
We have to choose our words carefully when we approach a negative situation. Choose to be positive, not negative.
Love is NOT about what you get from others….Love is about what YOU give to others…..Love is about sacrifice…
The Hebrew word for Wife is defined as “one who is intimate”……you notice it doesn’t say “one who is intimate FOR” or “one who is intimiate TO”
The idea should be “one who is intimiate WITH”
Your words are like a sword…careless words hurt….if you talk negative to your spouse, you are like “stabbing them with a sword”
If you pull out the sword, they “bleed” whos responsible for the bleeding to stop? We who stabbed, are responsible for it…
When you married on your wedding date, your spouse did not come with an “expiration date” You married UNTIL death do you part….
My greatest thought that I want to close with is your HOME is not a house. It is not your office desk. It is not your MAN-CAVE….. your WIFE is your home. When I tell people, i miss home…I want them to understand that I am really missing my WIFE….
Lover never fails to develop good leadership in the HOME…your wife needs it. Do it!
If you want to improve your relationship with your spouse…must SERVE them first.
If you want to become your spouse’s best friend….must SERVE them first.